The Dangerous Lesson We Teach Our Children Every Day

Are we unknowingly training children to prioritize obedience over authenticity?

The Dangerous Lesson We Teach Our Children Every Day is a thought-provoking exploration of how societal norms and parenting practices unknowingly instill fear, shame, and conditional self-worth in children. From an early age, many children are taught to conform through punishment and reward systems that condition them to seek external validation instead of acting from genuine intrinsic motivation. This cycle of control shapes their self-perception, making them more susceptible to manipulation and less capable of true self-expression and compassion.
In this powerful video, Marshall Rosenberg challenges the deeply ingrained belief that discipline must be enforced through authority, punishment, and coercion. He reveals how our collective obsession with being “right” creates a world where fear overrides our natural inclination for generosity and connection. By constantly reinforcing the idea that a child’s worth is determined by their ability to meet external expectations, we erode their confidence, autonomy, and ability to think independently.
The impact of this conditioning extends far beyond childhood. As adults, many of us continue to seek approval, afraid to question authority, and easily manipulated by systems that exploit our ingrained self-doubt. But there is another way—a path toward fostering intrinsic motivation, emotional intelligence, and true self-worth in both children and adults. This video invites viewers to rethink how we interact with the next generation, moving away from control and fear-based conditioning and toward a culture of authentic love, understanding, and mutual respect.
By recognizing and breaking free from these patterns, we can create a world where children grow up with the confidence to be themselves—free from the need for validation and fear of rejection. The Dangerous Lesson We Teach Our Children Every Day is a call to rethink how we nurture young minds and, in doing so, reshape the future for generations to come.

The purpose of nonviolent communication is to help you to do what you already know how to do, to connect in a way that makes natural giving possible.

You all know that giving. You know how to do it by remembering to stay with that quality of giving moment by moment in any connection. But we also all know that it’s easy to lose it. It’s easy to lose that connection. So that instead of enjoying that quality of giving, which is possible every moment in every contact we have – in spite of how precious that is, we forget.

And instead of playing the game which I call, “Making Life Wonderful,” much of the time we play another game called “Who’s right?” Have you ever played that game? It’s a game where everybody loses. Isn’t this amazing? We all know about this quality of giving. Its possible every moment. We find that the richest thing to do, and much of our life we end up playing “Who’s Right?”

Now the game of, “Who’s right” involves two of the most devious things human beings have ever come upon. One punishment. See, because if you’re wrong in the game of “Who’s right?”, then you deserve to suffer. No more punishment. You won’t do it in your families. We’ll get rid of it with criminals. It just makes things more violent. We’ll find other ways to deal with other nations besides punishment. No more punishment.

No more reward. It’s the same game. It’s part of the game of “Who’s Right? If you’re right, then you get rewarded. If you’re wrong, you get punished. No more. No more. It’s created enough violence on the planet.

We’ve been educated for quite a while to make violence enjoyable. And educated in a way we can even be violent to our children? Watch a parent try to bring about change in the child.

“Say you’re sorry!”
“I’m sorry”
“You’re not really sorry. I can see it.”
“I’m sorrrrrrrry!”
“Ok, I forgive you.”

Can you imagine a game like that? Can you imagine a parent responding to a child that way? And if a parent is going to do that to a child in their own family, what are they going to do to people from other cultures who behave in a way they don’t appreciate?

So of course you are going to have violence wherever you have this kind of thinking – learning how to go up to our head in think in terms of who is right, wrong, good and bad, normal, abnormal. In cultures that do not have this thinking, you do not see violence.

You see, natural giving, anything we do in life that isn’t coming out of that energy, we pay for it and everybody else pays for it. Anything we do out of fear of punishment if we don’t, everybody pays for it. Anything we do for a reward, everybody pays for it. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody pays for it. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, obligation, everybody pays for it.

That isn’t what we were designed for. We were designed to enjoy giving – to give from the heart.

Marshall Rosenberg was an American psychologist, mediator, author and teacher. Starting in the early 1960s, he developed nonviolent communication, a process for supporting partnership and resolving conflict within people, in relationships, and in society. He worked worldwide as a peacemaker and in 1984, founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international nonprofit organization for which he served as Director of Educational Services. According to his biographer, Marjorie C. Witty, “He has a fierce face – even when he smiles and laughs. The overall impression I received was of intellectual and emotional intensity. He possesses a charismatic presence.”

“I loved this. I’ve had a really stressful day and this was a lovely way to end it. A good reminder to choose happiness instead of anger.”

“I knew Marshall and am heartened to see his work continuing to touch people and be used to positive ends. I’m grateful that you have helped that process.”

“I love this man and his life’s work, to create a world where all of our needs are considered. what a brilliant teacher.”

 

Learn more about nonviolent communication by visiting the Center for Nonviolent Communication.

Music credits:

  • “No Survivors” –
  • “Humanity” –
  • Sunset Hues” – Swan Productions

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